So, I was in the garden planting up this morning and thoughts popped into my head. One thought led to this Post and I have some questions.
I am posting to highlight a subject which I suspect is quietly questioned by women, and thought about more often by men: Sex.
The main question to ponder is: During Lockdown if you are living with a long term partner, or a relatively new partner, has your sex life changed for the better or for the worse?
I do not offer answers this Post offers is an opportunity for consideration. Has your sex life improved or is there room for discussion with your partner?
Points for consideration during this time of Lockdown
- Are you having more or less sex?
- Different sex or more meaningful sex?
- Do you talk about your sex life with each other?
- Has an increased sex life brought you closer to your partner?
- Because it’s been so long since the sex subject was discussed or initiated, does your lack of a sex life cause you stress?
- Do you dread the silent hints from your partner when there is pressure for more sex?
- Has sex been initiated by both of you or is it a one way initiation; one partner just complies?
- Has lack of sex been something that does not cause any concern?
- Perhaps your sex life is just fine thank you!
- Are you worried or embarrassed to discuss sex? See Why You Won’t Talk About Sexual Issues With Your Partner
For those working as normal during Lockdown maybe all is well. Nothing has changed, you’re not looking for change. Or perhaps this post may highlight where change could be made.
If you are
- In a convenient relationship and sex plays no part
- In the unfortunate situation where your relationship has ended and you are awaiting a solution and sex plays no part
- Divorced, single and looking for a relationship.
Then I address the sex topic within my Home Study Programme ‘It’s Time to Move On‘.
The points I have raised can offer thought, action or a just leave well alone response. The topic of sex is something we Brits are not known to discuss with ease.
No-one knows what goes on behind closed doors? But relationships are important.
Age is irrelevant and of course men and woman can have different biological needs and each will respond to the questions accordingly. But both parties deserve to be heard. It’s a two way deal. There will however be difficulty if there are unwritten or unspoken rules within a relationship.
In my opinion that can be unhealthy.
Never assume your partner knows or remotely understands your silence, whatever the subject. It may work in your benefit to talk more.
Lockdown can be a timely opportunity to give this important part of your relationship some time, thought and energy. Are you content about the intimate part of your relationship?
From a positive outlook sex in a relationship can be good for the soul. It can make you feel better, happier and more able to get through the day.
Have the conversation with your partner if you want change, whatever that is. Or, smile, enjoy the feeling of ease and added benefits you sense as a couple from Lockdown.
Relationships need work, difficult topics can be addressed. Speak with your partner. Balance and equality are key.
Imbalance brings in the negative feelings of unfairness, “I can’t speak up, I’m frightened, I’ve waited too long to discuss it”.
It is never too long to initiate discussion if you place great value on your relationship and are aware that complacency is not useful long term.
Stress and anxiety can affect your sex life.
Thank you for reading.
If this Post has triggered feelings of self-doubt, low self-esteem. Please ring 07917 680967 for a free chat. You are important and relationships are important too.
Susan is the author of Survive and Thrive after Trauma