How to get it right!
New baby, Toddler, Parenthood, Motherhood and having a life!
Right! For a start we can try to get it right but coping with a first baby or a powerful tour de force toddler can leave you somewhat shell-shocked at times. Be mindful when you start beating yourself up over it; try to remember Tigger and the joy he found with life.
- What is the right way?
- How can I be expected to get it right?
- Is going back to work an easier option?
My observation, learning and hindsight:
You have not failed if you can’t get it right – who’s rules are you going by? What is right?! It’s probably the hardest job you may do.
I may appear to be writing mainly for women but I assure you I am not. A mother ‘s instinct is there the instant her child is laid in her arms; the father takes a supporting role during pregnancy and birth but I feel very strongly that the father should and can be an equal partner in parenting.
Perhaps some men believe that they have been
- sidelined to emotional support when needed
- financial support as the expectation.
Not an easy balance, certainly in the beginning; however your baby will blossom with two less stressed parents.
Who am I?
I work in the Stress and Anxiety world and specialise in EFT Tapping. Previously I was an Infant and Reception teacher. I specialise in relationships and the Parent and Child Relationship is one such group.
These tips, links and recommendations may be useful.
Please let me start with a little story.
George starting Reception Class
When I was teaching Year 1 in Scotland (Reception Class in England) one of my new charges was George. I had already taught George’s brother. Two younger boys were also in the pipeline. Mum had warned me that George did not fancy school much and may be a bit difficult.
If my memory serves me right Day One of George’s school life seemed to be fine. However Day 2 was a different matter.
(Now this is the relationship any teacher usually strives for with a parent. They want to have them onside! Just as the mother/parent wants the teacher to treat their child with care and consideration).
Anyway, George’s mum said she’d hide further down the corridor and wait and see! George was not a happy boy.
I sat him on my knee; he struggled and wriggled and was quite strong. He said quite determinedly,
‘I’m going to cry till the school goes home!’
I said, ‘Well George you’ll be crying for a long time the other boys and girls are here today for quite a while.’
I was thinking ‘ Good grief I hope he doesn’t.’
I started reading the class a story with George plonked on my lap, one arm holding him in place.
Result and Comment:
- George settled within minutes. ( I always had a soft spot for George).
- His mum peeked in the window after 5 minutes, saw that he was settled; waved and left. She trusted the process and felt secure.
If a mum is
- relaxed and less stressed
- confident about the next step in her child’s life
- not panicked
- not needing to smother the child
then the process of going to school can work quite smoothly.
I really loved that school, the chilldren and parents. It was 1980s in the Scottish Borders. Teachers instictively felt secure and able to comfort a child without fear of inappropriate behaviour being reported. Of course I know that times have changed and many children are able to make the transition to school much easier; Nursery, Toddler groups all pave the way.
Tomorrow – Section Two: The Tips
- Once mum (and dad) feel more relaxed and confident, baby has an odds on chance to feel the same.
- Babies are born innocent, they have no agenda only needs which need addressed.
- Tools, Links and suggestions to manage when you don;t think you’ve got a life!
Call to Action: Email: firstname.lastname@example.org to find out if Energy and Emotional Healing could help you to move on in your life.
Specialist areas: Divorce and Relationship issues, Fertility and Mother/Child relationships, Emotional Trauma. Susan is the author of Survive and Thrive after Trauma.