Fertility: After two failed cycles and struggling to manage my anxiety and the lack of control and medicalization of it all I started looking for things I could do to help myself.
I was fascinated by how quickly Susan was able to work with me to find my blockers and release the fear and anxiety I had unknowingly kept inside.
Three years ago, just after we got engaged, my husband began some chemotherapy to treat a brain tumour he had for a few years. We were vaguely aware that the treatment may impact his fertility but that seemed like a long way off and our priority was his health. He froze some sperm “just in case” and we went on with finishing the treatment, our wedding and then a planned move to America for new a new job and adventure in the states.
Two years later when we were both 33 we started thinking about beginning a family. Now based in Wisconsin we decided to get his sperm tested “just in case”. After two days the notification of “new results” popped up on his phone, we were in the car and pulled over to take a look at the results. Azoospermia. Neither of us knew what that meant but a quick google was very clear –, we were always told this was very unlikely to happen but we now knew that it had.
Although this wasn’t the result we expected we felt very lucky to have options. We began the process of shipping the sperm from the UK to Wisconsin, which took about 6 months with COVID-19 closing down fertility clinics in London and the US. Once the sperm arrived we began exploring treatment options, with our age and considering costs we decided to start with IUI (Intrauterine insemination) where I would take medications each month and go in at the right time for a doctor to do the insemination.
What had been a process for both of us soon felt like a lot of pressure on me. I had multiple tests, a pretty painful procedure to check if my tubes were open and then it all began. I was told my ovaries were “older than they should be.” Each month I had to take medication, go in for a scan to see how many follicles were there and then if all looked good the IUI could go ahead.
After two failed cycles and struggling to manage my anxiety and the lack of control and medicalization of it all I started looking for things I could do to help myself.
Susan and Hampshire EFT came up in my search and I liked the ethos of the treatment and Susan’s personal experience of some of the fertility issues I was looking to address. I didn’t really know what to expect but went in with an open mind and I was fascinated by how quickly Susan was able to work with me to find my blockers and release the fear and anxiety I had unknowingly kept inside.
Worries of “will it work this time?” “maybe I am not doing enough to help the process” “maybe I am not ready / good enough to be a mother”, “what if I end up being a mother on my own”, and even feeling like I was letting people and myself down by failing to get pregnant with 2 cycles. Over our 5 sessions I learnt to undo the fear, become more positive and most importantly feel calmer and be kinder to myself. To say my worries out loud and learn how to quieten them and tap through the process gave me tools I can use myself for my fertility journey and for other areas in my life too. Journaling is a habit I wish I’d started earlier and has already become part of my routine.
Going into my third cycle I still feel a little worried but I now know that I can take a few minutes to relax and go through the steps Susan taught me each day to feel as ready as I can. I don’t know what the next treatment will hold and if we will be successful but for the first time I know there is nothing more I can do to make this happen. And that feels like an enormous weight lifted.