The birth of my granddaughter and the synchroncity to a death emotionally challenged me a few weeks ago. It alerted me that I am still a work in progress. Joy of Joy for an Emotional Healing practitioner! Realisations, appreciations and acting instinctively have led to this post. I hope that you can benefit from my musing that life sends us opportunities to grow and learn, constantly. Isn’t that glorious?
We may appreciate that we are all a work in progress and need to revisit old wounds from time to time, as we clear the layers of hurt which define who we are.
Why write this?
I’ve taken some time with this post; for myriad reasons. Timing, my particular mood, my sense of well-being all would shape the Post. It is very personal and I needed to heed and be respectful of others. Anyway, here goes.
Words can have a profound effect on someone and you have absolutely no idea of the unique emotional response it can elicit.
This Post is about recognising our stuff. I am an expert in certain areas of Emotional Healing so I can just about recognise my own stuff when it’s going on. Recognising our own shit is key; we can either ignore it, acknowledge it or work through it.
Synchronicity played its part and a mother’s knee jerk reaction was a key player too.
I’m sharing my reaction to an old stress trigger. A fairly impressive emotional trauma can be blamed for my reaction, and the trigger did cause emotional and physical distress. It was intense and I was aware of its potentially damaging effect on me if I did not work my way through it. I thought I had done enough work to clear this past hurt. You may think the same about your emotional baggage. That might sound flippant but…… that’s all it is- emotional baggage, video looping shit which self-sabotages in its attempt to protect us from ourselves.
Here’s what happened
This is fairly woo woo; I tend to keep a lot of my beliefs, understandings, appreciations quietly in the background. No more.
My 2nd grandchild was born
When I could not fail to acknowledge my sign, my message, my potential learning gift, my dilemma was do I share? I knew that I should. I knew that I could, but this was very personal to my closest of family. I received some input, responses from trusted sources and have taken time and care to write sensitively.
My 2nd grandchild Isla was born on Tuesday the 6th of March; around 01.45 in the morning. Ideally this was not the date or time that I would have wished for the newest arrival to our family to be born. But the birth had been laboured over the previous 48 hours.
There were numerous obstacles in play with regards to the actual birth: the
- supervision and leavings alone
- no panic attitude
- not an Emergency even though it was a booked Induction
- QA Maternity wing being very busy and short-staffed (I believe)
All those anxiety draining scenarios were played out, then a fast stage two labour and Isla was born.
I certainly realised that I may run (moderate) control freak emotions because I felt hopeless and useless. On Day 2 of the labour I eventually opened a bottle of wine earlier than may be acceptable but it helped to ease the anxiety.
My granddaughter was born on the same date that my first husband suddenly died; the 6th of March. She was also born at 01.45 as near as dammit to the same time of his death which was around 01.30/01.45. Well, what to say?
24 hours before Isla’s birth my daughter who lives in Australia called me and she eventually said, ‘I wonder if the baby will be born on dad’s death anniversary?’
I balked at that. She said that perhaps he was intervening and wouldn’t it be nice if it happened that day?
I suggested we don’t talk about it because my thoughts were knee-jerk and I said that if her dad was wanting to be helpful from beyond then he would make sure that our son did not have to remember the birth of his daughter with the death of his father.
Key point 1: This was My Stuff
The labour was prolonged and the next morning I got a phone call. All was well and little Isla had been born on March 6th at 1.45am. Thank goodness. What a blooming relief. I kinda shrugged with regards to the date and was fine about it all. My reaction was a quietly resigned ‘’what will be, will be.’
Herb and I visited our new granddaughter after they were signed out from the hospital. Gosh she was born before 2am and had arrived home before 10am in the morning!
A lovely hour was spent with all grandparents, my son, daughter in law, Ava the big sister aged two and a half years and baby Isla.
The true catalyst to my upset and knee jerk reactions
My daughter lives in Australia. She posted something on Facebook later that night that knocked me for six.
It was a long and emotionally charged post about the birth of her new niece and the death of her father. It was the 15th Anniversary of his death and she was 15 when he died. She talked about related Angel intervention and stuff like that and stated how very hard she still finds his death. It was a traumatic death which one way or another my son, daughter and I witnessed almost in its entirity; and the failed attempt to resuscitate. I believe their father (and I) would have dearly wished that our teenage children had not been witness to any part this death.
So that was my trigger to react on reading her post.
- Why had she written it?
- What will her brother think?
- What can I do about her raw and bleeding pain?
Fuck it (1st husband) why do you still have such an effect? I thought I’d done enough work for you to fuck right off. I huffed and puffed. Herb my present husband read her Post and said that he could find nothing wrong, it was nicely said. That comment actually penetrated quickly so I knew it was My Stuff. But I felt a bit sick. I was once again in Fight, Flight or Freeze. I think I was in Flight…...
Fight, Flight, Freeze: When our family trauma happened those 15 years I froze, blocked, may even have been relieved; it was complicated. I wrote a book about it www.surviveandthriveaftertrauma.com . I later discovered wonderful therapies and treatments: EFT Tapping and other impressive Emotional Healing Tools all of which can help to release blocked emotional trauma from mind and body. Meta Health related work is now important to me. Basically our physical health is very strongly associated with our emotional health.
Once we find the UDIN: The Unexpected, Dramatic, Isolating and having No strategy moment, then we can work with EFT and Matrix ReImprinting to clear the charge held in the body which, in time or indeed in no time (think heart attack), can affect our physical health.
How I truly felt
Reading my daughter’s post instantly triggered me into a Fear response- What can I do to help my daughter ease her raw pain, and help my son avoid emotional pain all over again?
Fear, anxiety, fucking hell, why did that have to happen, I felt exposed again, cross, worried and any bloody negative thing you can come up with. Me who thought it was parked, ignored, cleared! But my mothering instinct was in overdrive. Her pain allowed me to feel my pain. Over the last few years I have been more comfortable discussing all the good stuff about our previous family life. In 2012 I wrote in my book that the fact I had children meant that I could not ignore my, their, our stuff. My children are reminders. I was fairly cheesed of about that. I was supposed to rise above that. Isn’t that what a good mother would do?
My stuff. No-one else’s. Mine.
I was concerned about how my son might view this dual anniversary; control freak tendencies desperate to jump in and rescue probably. I was concerned, no, desperate that my daughter had such raw feelings. She’s literally just started a Diploma Course in Counselling to go with her Psychology degree. So one way or another she’ll have the delightful opportunity of working through any of her stuff which is quietly hiding and waiting for some action.
This response had put me in a state of flux, annoyance, self-criticism, and more than likely a bit of unconscious self-loathing too was added to the mix. Folks this is all at a Sub conscious level and I am only analysing here about what was going on internally. I soon realised consciously that I could not control any of their reactions.
I’d never considered myself a serious control freak because I know, at a deep and intuitive level, that one cannot control anything. I am also aware that I cannot shift blame to anyone else either.
Key Point 2
I offer the message that you may try to become aware of your negative traits, reactions and responses to whatever situation.
Your response to stress is your response to stress!
You cannot blame anyone else to make it easier or more acceptable for you. Should you become more aware and then choose to seek healing then you can make change and be blessed with positive progress.
What did I do?
This very strong reaction was short-lived but did put me into a stressed and anxious state. I was certainly able to recognise that I was upset. I actually enjoy synchronicity, having a guardian angel to help guide me; somehow I always had an intuitive sense that I could ask for help from those passed on. When I visited my first husband’s grave shortly after his death in 2003 I told him very strongly that I needed a break and he was in charge of our 2 children for a while.
This present synchronicity shook me; goodness what if it is a real message for me, for us. A state of flux. Divine intervention or what? Anyway, I set up Swaps with my EFT/Matrix ReImprinting/Meta Health colleagues and friends. I accepted a generous offer of Counselling from a Networking friend. I released, talked and move forward .
Another synchronicity . A gem!
I had already arranged a Swap before Isla’s birth. The session was the day after the birth. We started the session by Bhavna congratulating me about my granddaughter’s birth. I responded happily but got straight into my very negative response at the synchronicity and message sent from beyond.
She said straight away that perhaps I could consider the timing as a message of love; an opportunity for wounds to heal and /or a time to sense a beautiful moving on. That was what I needed to hear. I needed someone to suggest a different response to get me out of the resentful feelings of the never ending legacy that a past trauma can hold.
My learning from that day’s Swap was ‘I only restrict myself’.
Some points to consider
I am being very self-critical and open because I know that there are countless folks out there who, because of their belief system, believe that things cannot change. That’s such nonsense. It is self- sabotage. It is debilitating. It is self-destructive. It is a one way ticket to uselessness.
I offer these alternative suggestions
- The greatest thing one can do is forgive; that can move mountains.
- Learn to love yourself.
- Be healthier in mind, body and spirit by being open to possibilities.
- Seek professional help to receive more good things that are out there, just waiting for you.
- Treat yourself kindly.
What I know to be true
My life is rich and in flow but I am still capable of making my enjoyment of it tricky and difficult.
Why tricky and difficult? Well that’s where self-healing, self-kindness, a sense of deserving and being worthy are fairly constant works in progress. There is a relationship between an intuitive understanding, and the challenge when those understandings require possible tweaks or additional insights. Practitioner input or even a throw away comment from another can help to illuminate different possibilities.
So why bother with any of this emotional healing?
Your physical health relates strongly to emotional stress held in your body. The reasons why you react so directly with a particular illness and ailment correspond to that emotional negativity held in the body. The negative energy can be released; physical health can improve. A massive topic; fascinating and an opportunity for everyone to continue in this brave new world with confidence and good health. (I have not read Brave New World by Aldous Huxley but I obviously have been drawn to it –right now).
My little granddaughter is a few weeks old now. She is a beautiful child. And I am forever fascinated with all that life can bring, offer and teach us.
Susan Cowe Miller
I work with those interested in improving Emotional and Physical Health; it could be you. EFT, Matrix ReImprinting and other modalities help me to help you.
Call me for a 20 minute Consultation.Mobile: 07917 680967Mobile: 07917 680967
If you want a deeper read around Synchronicity here’s a Post about Jung https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synchronicity .
Brave New World: Aldous Huxley Again drawn to quote title but have not read)