Here is an explanatory extract from my book Survive and Thrive after Trauma. A SG (Secondary Gain) certainly worth holding on to; but not nice when the recognition of perhaps some self pity is found running around in the subconscious.
Susan’s Secondary Gain probably not my only one!
I include this as an example to help explain a SG.
I was learning Matrix Reimprinting (a development of EFT) and my trainer was the wonderful Ted Wilmont. I have used artistic licence here and have incorporated two separate learning opportunities through which I understood a substantial SG.
Scenario: Ted listening to his students who are practising with each other:
I was attempting to release my thoughts, ties and the ghastliness around my husband’s death. The numbers mentioned relate to the number of intensity of the distress I was feeling. One is a very low stress level and ten is the highest number of the stress intensity.
Me: Well, I can get my number down to a number one. I’ve tried to clear it and can’t. But a one is fine. It’s OK.
Ted (interrupting): OK, Susan, why can’t you just get it down to zero? Why can’t you let it go?
Me: I don’t know. Ask me again.
Ted: Susan, why can’t you let it go? Get it to a zero?
Me (raising my voice): I don’t know! Ask me again!
Ted: Susan, why can’t you just let it go?
Me (shouting): I don’t know! I don’t know! I don’t know (shrugging).
Realisation – Well bugger me!
Bloody Hell! I don’t deserve to let it go.
I need to punish myself!
And also … If I let it go, I will not have my husband to blame – to blame when I feel angry. After all, poor me, look what I went through!
I have an excuse.
If I do not have that excuse then I am responsible for my behaviour (ah, no thanks!). Then I can’t blame him. I am responsible. I can’t hide any more behind my wonderful excuse.
But the excuse is only an excuse. Only in my eyes because: ‘There are none so blind as those who will not see.’
I laughed or smiled with disbelief when I realised what was holding me back. It is very interesting and fantastic when it shines out at you. I love it when clients have their ‘light bulb moment’.
Question: Can you recognise an area in your life where you think you may harbour a S.G.?
Clean question: What would you like to have happen? What needs to happen for that to happen?
Explanatory resource taken from Survive and Thrive after Trauma.
My work in EFT and Matrix Reimprinting can really get to the guts of an issue and when a Secondary Gain is discovered, negative beliefs are released and a whole new agenda for a better future can be put in place.