Secondary Gain- my light bulb moment

Here is an explanatory  extract from my book Survive and Thrive after Trauma. A SG (Secondary Gain)  certainly worth holding on to; but not nice when the recognition of perhaps some self pity is found running around in the subconscious.

Susan’s Secondary Gain probably not my only one!

I include this as an example to help explain a SG.

I was learning Matrix Reimprinting (a development of EFT) and my trainer was the wonderful Ted Wilmont. I have used artistic licence here and have incorporated two separate learning opportunities through which I understood a substantial SG.

Scenario: Ted listening to his students who are practising with each other:

I was attempting to release my thoughts, ties and the ghastliness around my husband’s death. The numbers mentioned relate to the number of intensity of the distress I was feeling. One is a very low stress level and ten is the highest number of the stress intensity.

Me: Well, I can get my number down to a number one. I’ve tried to clear it and can’t. But a one is fine. It’s OK.

Ted (interrupting): OK, Susan, why can’t you just get it down to zero? Why can’t you let it go?

Me: I don’t know. Ask me again.

Ted: Susan, why can’t you let it go? Get it to a zero?

Me (raising my voice): I don’t know! Ask me again!

Ted: Susan, why can’t you just let it go?

Me (shouting): I don’t know! I don’t know! I don’t know (shrugging).

Realisation –              Well bugger me!

Bloody Hell!                      I don’t deserve to let it go.

I need to punish myself!

And also … If I let it go, I will not have my husband to blame – to blame when I feel angry. After all, poor me, look what I went through!

I have an excuse.

If I do not have that excuse then I am responsible for my behaviour (ah, no thanks!). Then I can’t blame him. I am responsible. I can’t hide any more behind my wonderful excuse.

But the excuse is only an excuse. Only in my eyes because: ‘There are none so blind as those who will not see.’

I laughed or smiled with disbelief when I realised what was holding me back. It is very interesting and fantastic when it shines out at you. I love it when clients have their ‘light bulb moment’.

Question: Can you recognise an area in your life where you think you may harbour a S.G.?

Clean question: What would you like to have happen? What needs to happen for that to happen?

Explanatory resource taken from Survive and Thrive after Trauma.

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My work in EFT and Matrix Reimprinting can really get to the guts of an issue and when a Secondary Gain is discovered, negative beliefs are released  and a whole new agenda for a better future can be put in place.