In 2012 I wrote my book: Survive and Thrive after Trauma. Very recently I have become aware of quiet and regular interest; my book is being bought more frequently. I took this as a message from beyond and decided to re-read all of it. I realised that I felt a welcome and pleasurable shift in perception. I now have a sense of genuine pride and worthiness; a lessened default sense of fear and anger which usually felt present when I Marketed in the past. I had a renewed sense that I was always correct to write this book; the book which I knew would be potentially beneficial, useful and helpful to those carrying emotional scars.
I have always quietly promoted my book. Not in your face stuff. I would mention it occasionally at Networking; I would leave a copy for folks to flick through. But I always had a feeling of being uncomfortable around my promoting. It’s not exactly something that is light-hearted or safe; it’s rather the stuff of nightmares I expect. I no longer have this Angst sensation; the feeling which certainly stopped me from having a book launch.
In my mind the understandable fears and anxieties around my two big children, and of course some reservation around my present husband Herb. He actually has been a wonderful help with the book and has never be anything less than encouraging. I am the one who had a Cringe Factor; a quiet sense of feeling uncomfortable about shouting my mouth off about this book that I had written.
However I reread the book recently and was quite flabbergasted because I thought:
I do still hold onto a fear, a worry that I am causing my children angst but I am not one to shy away from tough stuff. Our life’s drama has been a topic of conversation between us for years. Quite frankly I often found it depressing because I seemed unable to be allowed to ignore it. I often felt confused about the role I was supposed to play with our children. However I have been completely blessed with my now grown up family. I have 2 grand children and can have visits to Australia courtesy of our two splendid young people. My love for them is of course unconditional.
The three of us are all individuals and our psyche holds the key in how we process and live our lives. We have all dealt and are dealing with the anxieties imprinted on our soul. One child took some interest in the book; one child did not. If you have ever seen the film, A Bridge of Spies with Tom Hanks and Mark Rylance; there is one line I laughed out loud at when I heard it. It’s about worrying. Worrying is such a complete and utter waste of time, yet many of us live our lives worrying. We give it power and maybe have a sense that worrying maintains a position of seemingly great importance. What fools some of us are.
I have done a huge amount of self work over 15 years. I have certainly not been a slave to it though. I am fascinated by the importance that Feelings and Emotions have on our body. When I was learning my levels of Counselling Skills around 2007, for such a long time I would say:
‘I don’t know what I feel but I know what I think.’ I now understand the difference.
I am and always will be a work in progress; we all are. If we were perfect, life would be boring and we would die out, don’t you think?
I believe I am much less angry. However I still have a default negative area in a need to fill my time; not brilliant at relaxing, doing nothing. I do run the emotional state of cramming much into my life. I expect that is because I know life can be cut short. Just being Mindful is useful! Just Letting Go is the ideal; difficult to truly achieve as we are always that work in progress.
We can all change; we can clear negative memories and negative habits by facing our little demons. It is very self-nourishing when we feel good about ourselves or something we have achieved.
If you know someone who can benefit from reading my book please share the link Survive and Thrive after Trauma, buy it for a friend or family member who is struggling emotionally.
Sometimes it is incredibly difficult to get out of one’s own way; it’s called Self-Sabotage. You can help someone close to you. So what if they tell you to buggar off. A seed of interest may have got through to them.
Time is of course a healer but the residue of emotional trauma is still held at cellular level in the body. That cellular imprint is what can determine physical health problems both big and small. EFT and Matrix ReImprinting are recocognised as impressive healing modalities, beneficial in helping the release of past trauma, negative blocks and negative beliefs. Much information is available on my website: Hampshire-EFT
My area of keen interest: The Why of Physical Illness – How Emotional Trauma and Stress affects us directly e.g. recurring illness, chronic illness, life threatening disease and illness. Meta Health Analysis can inform us which direction to question a client. We then use EFT based treatment to aid the removal of dormant trauma; the root cause!
How I can Help You: I am an EFT, Matrix ReImprinting practitioner, a Reiki practitioner and have high levels of Counselling Skills. I intend fully developing and studying the Why we are ill path from a Meta Health perspective.
Call me. Let’s chat so you can find out more. Mobile: 07917 680967
I am available to give Talks.
You know your body better than anyone. I can help you unravel the significant effect emotional stress and trauma has on the body.
EFT Tapping: Easing the stress in my body
This Tapping routine is client related but can be universally used. Just change the words to suit your physical ailment, sickness or illness.
If you are new to Tapping we have a Set-Up statement which states the negative focus and is followed by a positive affirmation. It is said 3 times but you can miss it out when you are more confident or in need of that quick and beneficial release of inner tension. Life feels more manageable when stress levels are reduced.
This routine implies that you are unhappy, embarassed, angry, sad about a physical reaction you are experiencing within your body.
Even tho’ I feel foolish and embarrassed- I love and accept myself as best I can today
Even tho’ my arm (whichever body part) and shoulder cause me huge distress- I love and accept myself as best I can today. (Use your own words whenever appropriate!)
Even tho’ I feel so foolish and strange, I know that my body is trying to tell me something and I still love and accept myself as best I possibly can.
Top of Head: Feeling stupid
Corner of Eye: Feeling very foolish (angry, sad, frustrated- choose your word)
Side of Eye: Feeling that my body is letting me down
Under Nose: Feeling so stupid that my body is causing me so much pain( humiliation, anger)
Under Bottom Lip: I wish it would just get better
Collar Bone: All this fear about my body letting me down
Side of Body: Feeling embarrassed (foolish, resentful, bitter, sad)
REPEAT once more
T.H: Sending love and healing to my arm and shoulder (or whichever body part)
C.E. Sending warmth and comfort to my………..
S.E. Allowing healing to penetrate deep into my …..
U.E. Sending love, light, and warmth to my ………..
U.N. Feeling the heat penetrate and heal
U.L. Allowing enriched blood to flow to just where I need it.
C.B. Allowing healing to take place.
S. of B. Feeling stronger and lighter
Repeat once more and as often as necessary.
Please call to find out more. Mobile: 07917 680967 Emotional stress and trauma affects physical health.
Susan has written a book Survive and Thrive after Trauma. She is a holistic healing practitioner.
Counselling , EFT, Matrix reImprinting, Meta Health, Reiki.
The birth of my granddaughter and the synchroncity to a death emotionally challenged me a few weeks ago. It alerted me that I am still a work in progress. Joy of Joy for an Emotional Healing practitioner! Realisations, appreciations and acting instinctively have led to this post. I hope that you can benefit from my musing that life sends us opportunities to grow and learn, constantly. Isn’t that glorious?
We may appreciate that we are all a work in progress and need to revisit old wounds from time to time, as we clear the layers of hurt which define who we are.
I’ve taken some time with this post; for myriad reasons. Timing, my particular mood, my sense of well-being all would shape the Post. It is very personal and I needed to heed and be respectful of others. Anyway, here goes.
Words can have a profound effect on someone and you have absolutely no idea of the unique emotional response it can elicit.
This Post is about recognising our stuff. I am an expert in certain areas of Emotional Healing so I can just about recognise my own stuff when it’s going on. Recognising our own shit is key; we can either ignore it, acknowledge it or work through it.
Synchronicity played its part and a mother’s knee jerk reaction was a key player too.
I’m sharing my reaction to an old stress trigger. A fairly impressive emotional trauma can be blamed for my reaction, and the trigger did cause emotional and physical distress. It was intense and I was aware of its potentially damaging effect on me if I did not work my way through it. I thought I had done enough work to clear this past hurt. You may think the same about your emotional baggage. That might sound flippant but…… that’s all it is- emotional baggage, video looping shit which self-sabotages in its attempt to protect us from ourselves.
This is fairly woo woo; I tend to keep a lot of my beliefs, understandings, appreciations quietly in the background. No more.
When I could not fail to acknowledge my sign, my message, my potential learning gift, my dilemma was do I share? I knew that I should. I knew that I could, but this was very personal to my closest of family. I received some input, responses from trusted sources and have taken time and care to write sensitively.
My 2nd grandchild Isla was born on Tuesday the 6th of March; around 01.45 in the morning. Ideally this was not the date or time that I would have wished for the newest arrival to our family to be born. But the birth had been laboured over the previous 48 hours.
There were numerous obstacles in play with regards to the actual birth: the
All those anxiety draining scenarios were played out, then a fast stage two labour and Isla was born.
I certainly realised that I may run (moderate) control freak emotions because I felt hopeless and useless. On Day 2 of the labour I eventually opened a bottle of wine earlier than may be acceptable but it helped to ease the anxiety.
My granddaughter was born on the same date that my first husband suddenly died; the 6th of March. She was also born at 01.45 as near as dammit to the same time of his death which was around 01.30/01.45. Well, what to say?
24 hours before Isla’s birth my daughter who lives in Australia called me and she eventually said, ‘I wonder if the baby will be born on dad’s death anniversary?’
I balked at that. She said that perhaps he was intervening and wouldn’t it be nice if it happened that day?
I suggested we don’t talk about it because my thoughts were knee-jerk and I said that if her dad was wanting to be helpful from beyond then he would make sure that our son did not have to remember the birth of his daughter with the death of his father.
Key point 1: This was My Stuff
The labour was prolonged and the next morning I got a phone call. All was well and little Isla had been born on March 6th at 1.45am. Thank goodness. What a blooming relief. I kinda shrugged with regards to the date and was fine about it all. My reaction was a quietly resigned ‘’what will be, will be.’
Herb and I visited our new granddaughter after they were signed out from the hospital. Gosh she was born before 2am and had arrived home before 10am in the morning!
A lovely hour was spent with all grandparents, my son, daughter in law, Ava the big sister aged two and a half years and baby Isla.
My daughter lives in Australia. She posted something on Facebook later that night that knocked me for six.
It was a long and emotionally charged post about the birth of her new niece and the death of her father. It was the 15th Anniversary of his death and she was 15 when he died. She talked about related Angel intervention and stuff like that and stated how very hard she still finds his death. It was a traumatic death which one way or another my son, daughter and I witnessed almost in its entirity; and the failed attempt to resuscitate. I believe their father (and I) would have dearly wished that our teenage children had not been witness to any part this death.
So that was my trigger to react on reading her post.
Fuck it (1st husband) why do you still have such an effect? I thought I’d done enough work for you to fuck right off. I huffed and puffed. Herb my present husband read her Post and said that he could find nothing wrong, it was nicely said. That comment actually penetrated quickly so I knew it was My Stuff. But I felt a bit sick. I was once again in Fight, Flight or Freeze. I think I was in Flight…...
Fight, Flight, Freeze: When our family trauma happened those 15 years I froze, blocked, may even have been relieved; it was complicated. I wrote a book about it www.surviveandthriveaftertrauma.com . I later discovered wonderful therapies and treatments: EFT Tapping and other impressive Emotional Healing Tools all of which can help to release blocked emotional trauma from mind and body. Meta Health related work is now important to me. Basically our physical health is very strongly associated with our emotional health.
Once we find the UDIN: The Unexpected, Dramatic, Isolating and having No strategy moment, then we can work with EFT and Matrix ReImprinting to clear the charge held in the body which, in time or indeed in no time (think heart attack), can affect our physical health.
Reading my daughter’s post instantly triggered me into a Fear response- What can I do to help my daughter ease her raw pain, and help my son avoid emotional pain all over again?
Fear, anxiety, fucking hell, why did that have to happen, I felt exposed again, cross, worried and any bloody negative thing you can come up with. Me who thought it was parked, ignored, cleared! But my mothering instinct was in overdrive. Her pain allowed me to feel my pain. Over the last few years I have been more comfortable discussing all the good stuff about our previous family life. In 2012 I wrote in my book that the fact I had children meant that I could not ignore my, their, our stuff. My children are reminders. I was fairly cheesed of about that. I was supposed to rise above that. Isn’t that what a good mother would do?
I was concerned about how my son might view this dual anniversary; control freak tendencies desperate to jump in and rescue probably. I was concerned, no, desperate that my daughter had such raw feelings. She’s literally just started a Diploma Course in Counselling to go with her Psychology degree. So one way or another she’ll have the delightful opportunity of working through any of her stuff which is quietly hiding and waiting for some action.
This response had put me in a state of flux, annoyance, self-criticism, and more than likely a bit of unconscious self-loathing too was added to the mix. Folks this is all at a Sub conscious level and I am only analysing here about what was going on internally. I soon realised consciously that I could not control any of their reactions.
I’d never considered myself a serious control freak because I know, at a deep and intuitive level, that one cannot control anything. I am also aware that I cannot shift blame to anyone else either.
I offer the message that you may try to become aware of your negative traits, reactions and responses to whatever situation.
Your response to stress is your response to stress!
You cannot blame anyone else to make it easier or more acceptable for you. Should you become more aware and then choose to seek healing then you can make change and be blessed with positive progress.
This very strong reaction was short-lived but did put me into a stressed and anxious state. I was certainly able to recognise that I was upset. I actually enjoy synchronicity, having a guardian angel to help guide me; somehow I always had an intuitive sense that I could ask for help from those passed on. When I visited my first husband’s grave shortly after his death in 2003 I told him very strongly that I needed a break and he was in charge of our 2 children for a while.
This present synchronicity shook me; goodness what if it is a real message for me, for us. A state of flux. Divine intervention or what? Anyway, I set up Swaps with my EFT/Matrix ReImprinting/Meta Health colleagues and friends. I accepted a generous offer of Counselling from a Networking friend. I released, talked and move forward .
Another synchronicity . A gem!
I had already arranged a Swap before Isla’s birth. The session was the day after the birth. We started the session by Bhavna congratulating me about my granddaughter’s birth. I responded happily but got straight into my very negative response at the synchronicity and message sent from beyond.
She said straight away that perhaps I could consider the timing as a message of love; an opportunity for wounds to heal and /or a time to sense a beautiful moving on. That was what I needed to hear. I needed someone to suggest a different response to get me out of the resentful feelings of the never ending legacy that a past trauma can hold.
My learning from that day’s Swap was ‘I only restrict myself’.
I am being very self-critical and open because I know that there are countless folks out there who, because of their belief system, believe that things cannot change. That’s such nonsense. It is self- sabotage. It is debilitating. It is self-destructive. It is a one way ticket to uselessness.
I offer these alternative suggestions
My life is rich and in flow but I am still capable of making my enjoyment of it tricky and difficult.
Why tricky and difficult? Well that’s where self-healing, self-kindness, a sense of deserving and being worthy are fairly constant works in progress. There is a relationship between an intuitive understanding, and the challenge when those understandings require possible tweaks or additional insights. Practitioner input or even a throw away comment from another can help to illuminate different possibilities.
Your physical health relates strongly to emotional stress held in your body. The reasons why you react so directly with a particular illness and ailment correspond to that emotional negativity held in the body. The negative energy can be released; physical health can improve. A massive topic; fascinating and an opportunity for everyone to continue in this brave new world with confidence and good health. (I have not read Brave New World by Aldous Huxley but I obviously have been drawn to it –right now).
My little granddaughter is a few weeks old now. She is a beautiful child. And I am forever fascinated with all that life can bring, offer and teach us.
Susan Cowe Miller
I work with those interested in improving Emotional and Physical Health; it could be you. EFT, Matrix ReImprinting and other modalities help me to help you.
Call me for a 20 minute Consultation.Mobile: 07917 680967Mobile: 07917 680967
If you want a deeper read around Synchronicity here’s a Post about Jung https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synchronicity .
Brave New World: Aldous Huxley Again drawn to quote title but have not read)
It is a simple and beneficial technique to quell stressful feelings and to enhance calmness and wellbeing. Continue reading
An EFT Tapping routine: Fear of Being Sick. This 5 minute audio can help take the edge of overwhelming fears of being sick, throwing up or hyperventilating.
The routine goes straight to the 1st Tapping Point at the Top of the Head. You can of course do the 3x Set Up on the Karate Point; remember to be very specific and say where you feel this horrible feeling, give it a colour and shape and size. Be as specific as you can.
To understand and clear the WHY you have this specific anxiety, please call for chat to find out more.Mobile: 07917 680967
My Visualisation MP3 helps to banish feelings of Christmas Overwhelm. It allows a sense of empowerment and opens the door for increased belief so that you can enjoy Christmas time; potentially you deal better with any challenges or triggers which can be set off. It also scores highly in maintaining your SuperBeing status !!
The MP3 is part of my blog post: Calling all SuperBeings! Beat Christmas Overwhelm.
The Blog’s Intention comes with a smidgen of Fairy Dust humour; the MP3 offers peace and harmony.
Susan Cowe Miller
Call for a chat if Stress and Anxiety are spoiling things for you. Mind Chatter is not Boss. You hold the key to feeling better.
So, after feeling considerably unwell for a couple of weeks I can now report how things have progressed and I share my EFT Tapping Audio: Dizziness When Physically Unwell I decided to practice some Self-Healing once my head felt less foggy. I did some simple EFT and was delighted with the results. Perhaps with hindsight, Overwhelm may have played a part in this bout of ill-health. Overwhelm comes in many, many guises and your body responds accordingly to that stress.
Please read Part One: When You Feel Physically Unwell
Let’s just use those examples without delving into the great WHY you have allowed this successful Self-Sabotaging behaviour to manifest.
I still have remaining symptoms ( 2 or 3 weeks on) however a week into this I decided to give EFT a go. Why wouldn’t I? I am a specialist in this area after all! And better late than never. I blame the debilitating dullness of my brain for the delay; the sensations I felt were an incredilbe band/weight of heaviness sitting in my head.
Best Advice (to Self)
Remember that EFT is effective in lowering feelings of stress
However I best explain that I may have Vertigo or BPPV. I still have it but it is more manageable. The first 2 days I threw up and felt particularly grim. Now I do the manoeuvers to try to move the crystals in the ear and I do not make sudden head movements. (I’m actually thinking of stopping the manoeuvers as they did not help this morning!) It can take some time to warm-up in the morning but I can go to the gym on a regular basis. Rushing up and out of my bed in the morning; I suspect may land me in a heap. #dramaqueen . However best not to make a melodrama out of this. (I think I wondered what on earth was going on when it started).
So there you have the story, but the story is not necessary. Speaking about the story is just that- speaking. The effect is still held within you at cellular body level; causing emotional imbalance and fodder for any Self-Sabotaging Inner Critic to go to town.
After one week of having this I was really cheesed off, especially with the band of fog and the heaviness sensation I had in my head for fairly long periods of the day.
I sat myself down and started Tapping and within 5 to 10 minutes the thick heaviness had gone. I thanked the Powers That Be and I can report that I was fairly stunned with the results. The band had evaporated and the fogginess gone.
EFT Tapping at its most basic can be classed I suppose as a quick fix. But the quick fix allows you to feel better and get on with the normalitiy of the day whether pleasureable or grim. We are talking real world not magic. The magic comes when you work with a practitioner to question and work with the WHY and the HOW you respond to emotional stress.
When you want to dig deeper please give me a ring for a chat. Mobile: 07917 680967
Susan Cowe Miller is author of: Survive and Thrive after Trauma
When you feel physically unwell: Physical and Emotional Overwhelm comes in many guises. (Part 1 early October).
Overwhelm, in my case being busy, busy and filling my day, shows itself in many guises and eventually will impact on physical health. So it’s my turn to have processed some emotional stuff and my body going into physical healing. I certainly don’t care for the physical ill health side of things. If packing as much into your day as you can is your thing, then just be prepared for your special cellular reaction to kick in – at some point.
Besides being a bit of a wimp and over worrying even though I do and should know better – here are some tips. You’ll know them but how clever are you at implementing them? I’ve been working today with a Meta Health practitioner, finally. Should have done it sooner! Her job is facilitate my healing. I will allow today’s session to process and do my little self-help routine; baby step changes are very powerful.
KISS: Keep It Simple Stupid. (Apologies. This Self-Berating is not clever either but I am feeling fairly naff so it must go with the territory). But it doesn’t help and this is one area to practice in my little tasks/ lifestyle homework!
It couldn’t be simpler folks.
Follow-up Post in a couple of weeks.
To find out more and how I can be of service, please call: Mobile: 07917 680967